Crackwalker.ca - THC Cafe a place to exchange thoughts over a toke and a coffee. A "Bring Yer Own" atmosphere. C'mon light one up and stay for a visit. We'd love to hear from you.!! Come for a soft shoulder, come to give strength, come to take about your meds, tokes, the weather... what ever grabs you at the time. We'll be here waiting. Feel free to join us anytime.
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How Pot Helps Me
Featured here is a writer who suffered terribly from Tourett's Syndrome, OCD and emotional and mental abuse. Read how Pot changed his life!
I'd like to introduce myself. I am 18 years old and live in Canada. My life has just begun but it's already been a long, twisted struggle. Shortly after I was born, my mom noticed that I didn't sleep like a normal baby. I would stay awake late into the night and I didn't get a good nights sleep until I was (I think) several months old. Then when I was around four years old I started making weird movements and was extremely hyperactive and a real troublemaker. My mother took to me to a doctor, who diagnosed me with Tourette's Syndrome.
I don't know if this is normal, but it wasn't long before the doctor put me on some pills, and I was just a little kid. I had a lot of trouble in school, I didn't make any friends, and I thought of myself as a freak. Tourettes Syndrome is a tic disorder, and I had these tics very bad most of the time, but the disease is also associated with other symptoms, like anxiety, obsessive compulsive disorder, and behavioral problems.
My parents got divorced when I was around 9 years old, and I was confused, upset, I had to move 5 times during that time. My mom was broke so we didn't have much choice on where to live. I hated the places we had to live in because I was used to living in a brand new house in a fairly stable family relationship. By fairly stable, I mean that my parents still fought. I was afraid of my father as long as I can remember, he was the man nobody wanted to mess with. My mom wanted to divorce him for some time, but never came around to it until she met her boyfriend, whose she's been steady with ever since. He moved in with me and my family, and created hell on earth, mostly for me. He was mean, he made me feel like he was always right and I was wrong. I was afraid of him now.
Aroung sixth grade, the same time mom's boyfriend moved in, I started having a really bad problem with OCD. I've always had some obsessive compulsive behaviors, but around this time it became a real problem. Being forced to live with someone who was always yelling and ruining my life didn't help very much. When I was in grade 8, I thought I was through with this uphill battle and thought that my soul would be better off free, if you get what I mean. Well, I started high school in a total emotinal mess, my chances of normal friendships ruined before I even got there. In grade 9, I got sent to a treatment centre to help me get over my obsessive compulsive habits.
I was already on all these different pills, I had been taking them since grade 5, I stopped taking them for a while in that time, and I had to start taking them again because things got out of control. So I was taking these pills almost the whole time for lets see 7 years, well into high school. I hated taking them, because I felt like I was living in a fog. I was so tired that for a very long time, I couldn't get out of bed in the morning. I wanted to stop but I wasn't allowed to.
That whole time I was really slow, tired, and kind of dumb. I would still feel extreme emotions, mainly anger, but I felt I couldn't feel love, happiness, pleasure or joy. I had given up on pleasure a long time ago. I was beginning to accept the fact that my life was monotonous, meaningless, that my brain was shrouded in fog, and that I couldn't remember the simplest thing. I knew it was those stupid pills that were doing this to me because I didn't feel like I should. but no one believed me.
I had no direction in life, it took a lot out of me just to get thru the day, to endure the constant arguments that broke out at home, that were apparently my fault. I felt guilty, I felt like an evil person, guilty of things that I didn't even do. I had awful thoughts popping into my head against my will, and I would cry frequently from the sheer stress of everyday life. And it was stressful. Simple inconvieninces would cause extreme stress for me, I was anxious, wound up, overwhelmed and ready to spring off the edge any minute. I started slowly weaning myself off the pills because I thought they were doing more harm than good. At around the same time, I tried smoking pot, out of curiosity, but somehow I continued doing it, and it wasn't after I was completely off the pills that I noticed the real difference in me. I felt alive. For the first time in my life I experienced what it must feel like to be a normal human being. That was a little over a year ago. I have smoked pot regularly since then, and it helps me so much. I feel better than I ever did. I am a much happier person now. That doesn't mean that I don't ever feel sad. There have been times recently when I felt so awful about absolutely everything, but something got me through allright. I can function much better because I'm not stressed out all the time. I can sleep better too. I used to get so frustrated, so stressed out, and there was nothing I could do about it, until now. i feel like i have been given a second chance.
My family still refuses to accept the fact that I smoke pot. I tell them that it helps me, and they say that it doesn't. I have to be very secretive about it. And it costs a lot of money, and I currently have no place to grow my own. It upsets me thinking about how the cops wouldn't hesitate to throw me in jail if I ever got caught. My self-esteem is bad enough at times. I am able to live a normal life now, much more normal than ever before. I haven't wished I was dead in a long time. My outlook on life has improved tremendously. Sometimes I take an emotional beating that can last a long time, but I always bounce back, and boy do I ever. I have been to therapy for years. The therapist kept telling me to let go of my obsessive thoughts, but I was never able to do that until I smoked pot. It seemed when I was high all my obssesive thoughts would just float away, leaving my mind free to think happy things, and I noticed that instead of getting stuck on something, I could finally move on and my thought patterns were more free. It helps me relax. Thats the most important thing, because relaxation is something I was never capable of.
It helps me, it's made a real difference in my life. I have recovered from what I thought would be a forever struggle. I can now take each day at a time, make real plans for my life, and slowly make my dreams come true. I don't get so overwhelmed much anymore, I find myself emotionally stable and I can calm down when I need to. Before my mind would go so fast I couldn't make sense of my own thoughts. That's not a problem anymore. I feel much better. It's really changed my life for the better.
The writer leaves us with this question.
1). Is there a chance to get legally approved for medicianl pot? With only 2000 canadians approved, it seems unlikely. i don't understand why i'm not allowed to have something that helps me this much. It isn't fair.
2). If I can get legally approved, would any doctor be willing to write a prescription?
3). If i did get it, who could grow it for me? Whatever the government provides is crap, so i don't want none of that.
Stay tuned for the answers. Coming Soon.
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