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Read what I have to say about mental illness and pot. Read the personal stories from fellow crackwalkers


Some of the major disorders discussed and explained.

BPD Criteria Explained
Criteria #1


Criteria #2


Criteria #3


Criteria #4


Criteria #5


Criteria #6


Criteria #7


Criteria #8


Criteria #9


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depression/mania
Mental Disorders


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      Borderline Personality Disorder is a severe and persistent mental illness. I have been told it is genetic. It causes me to have instability in a variety of areas. Apparently women are more likely to get this disorder. Borderline Personality Disorder is quite often diagnosed instead of or along with Biploar II. The word borderline means you are borderline bipolar with persoanlity disorders. So I guess I share the qualities of both illnesses.

      I was diagnosed this illness right after I was diagnosed with Bipolar II. I am in denial about this one. The DSM-IV says you must match 5 of the criteria listed and I match 6. so I guess I have to accept this one too.

      I have trouble with interpersonal relationships. I make a friend and for one reason or another they are out of my life. Usually because I decide it should be that way. I dump them. This isn't because I am a mean person. It is because I lose trust in them and don't think they are loyal any more. i fear they will or already are hurting me in some way. I kind of put them on a pedistal when I first know them, then as I know them better paranoia sets in and they fall off the pedistal and I back away. Sometimes its a nasty parting of the ways and other times I just disappear.

      My behaviour needs attention sometimes. Sometimes I am good, so very, very good and sometimes I am horrid. I never am the same same way for long. I can be very rude to people at cash registers or shoppers in the aisles. I get angry before I even talk to them and I snap out. My behaviour surprises me but I can't stop myself.

      My mood fluctuates and my ability for thinking straight is impaired big time. I get Manic/Depressive. My mania sends me spending my money recklessly. Some people gamble, I'm lucky that way. My depression comes easily and causes me to be suicidal and self-abusive. Some people cut or self-mutilate in some way to relieve the pain. I, instead, turn my pain inwards and lose my mind in misery and self hate. In doing so I deprive myself of happiness.

      I have a very low self-image (since childhood). Sometimes when I am invited to a person's house I feel so award and out of place. My illnesses take over and I think I am not good enough to be in such a place with such people. I feel so horrible I leave. This is not just in social situations but in one on one chats too and everything inbetween. I think I am ugly and they are just amusing me while they wait for something better. I feel I don't measure up to society's standards.

      I really don't know who I am. I have no sense of self. When I try to think of my personality I come up blank. I need others around me to make up the personality of the moment. I take on their personas. This is very difficult for me when two opposing personalities are with me at the same time. I am torn between the two and don't know anything anymore. So I have become a one person girl. One at a time until I get things better understood. I'm bored with things alot of the time. Something can catch my interest for a while but it peters out. I have tons of crafts in myhouse but i never work on them, then all of a sudden I do it for a few months and then quit leaving projects undone and half finished. I wonder what life is all about. Sometimes it holds absolutely no interest for me at all. I obssess over my existance and its meaning.

      Loneliness is a big time problem with all my other illnessnes combined and I crave contact. I hate to be so alone and I react badly because I need someone's attention so much. In the past I would cause scenes to draw attention to my plight, later on it became over-dosing. I wanted attention and a solution to my problems and this is how I tried to get it. I am a hermit now and I know I will be a solitary unit for the rest of my life. This doesn't stop pure abject misery from setting in at times, though.

      I do alot of impulsive things. I hitch-hiked across Canada- from Montreal, Quebec to Whitehorse, Yukon- one time on an impulse. A distance of over 2600 Miles. That was a trip and a half! When I was younger I acted out very promiscuously. I was promiscuous from about age 15 off and on until I got onto psych meds. That changed all that for good. I wouldn't say I was sex-starved, rather needing the attention and the love I thought came with it. It took me a long time, I'm not a fast learner, to figure out that love doesn't come that way and you hurt yourself by being that way. As a teen, I used to shop lift- until I got caught. I had tunnel vision and I'd see something and had to have it. That "need" follows me to this day. I still take things that aren't mine. Kleptomania I guess. I don't take things from people's homes or someone's personal possessions. I do have some pride left. :) I see a difference when it owned by an "unknown identity". In my drinking years I was quick to take offence and on an impulse I gave a girl a black eye. First time I ever did anything like that in my life. I got charged for that one. It's still on my record.

      I get sucidal. I usually over-dose. It's the easiest for me. I let everyone know when I get so bad I scare myself. I am not sure if it is for attention or a cry for help. I don't think I tell them needlessly or anything. I am actually suicidal at the time. I don't make false gestures, I will over-dose, but I will not usually take the amount i think will kill me. My actual attempts are the only way I know someone will be forced to acknowledge I have needs and give me help. my mother used to say "the squeaky wheel gets the oil". It's true in these cases.

      Quite often I'll make unreasonable demands on others. I'll get them to run my errands because I don't feel up to it. If something seems too hard, instead of problem solving my mind tells me... "I can't, I can't.. get help". So I'll let tasks go that I am perfectly capable of doing, waiting for others to do it for me. I think this is unreasonable, but I do it anyway. I'm working on this one.

      Borderline Personality Disorder is quite often diagnosed instead of Biploar. The word borderline means you are borderline bipolar with persoanlity disorders. So I guess I share the qualities of both illnesses.

      Borderlines are difficult to get along with because they are so messed up. Most people leave and don't come back.

BPD is best treated with Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT). I have been using this therapy for 4 yrs now and it is really helping me. View my pages on DBT
The DSM-IV Defintion
Overview
  • Depressed Mood
  • Addiction
  • Dramatic or Erratic or Antisocial Personality

Diagnostic Criteria

A pervasive pattern of instability of interpersonal relationships, self-image, and affects, and marked impulsivity beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:

  1. frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment. Note: Do not include suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in Criterion 5.
  2. a pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation
  3. identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self
  4. impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating). Note: Do not include suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in Criterion 5.
  5. recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior
  6. affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days)
  7. chronic feelings of emptiness
  8. inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights)
  9. transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms


The Criteria Explained a Little More Clearly

(1). frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment. Note: Do not include suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in Criterion 5.

(2). a pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation.

(3). identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self.

(4). impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating). Note: Do not include suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in Criterion 5.

(5). recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior.

(6). affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days).

(7). chronic feelings of emptiness.

(8). inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights).

(9). transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms.

Thanks for listening :)