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Read what I have to say about mental illness and pot. Read the personal stories from fellow crackwalkers
Some of the major disorders discussed and explained.
BPD Criteria Explained
Criteria #1
Criteria #2
Criteria #3
Criteria #4
Criteria #5
Criteria #6
Criteria #7
Criteria #8
Criteria #9
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BPD Criteria 3 - The Criteria Explained a Little More Clearly
(3). identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self.
The player will show in this paragraph
I really didn't know who I was. My whole life I had no sense of who me was. When I try to think of my personality I come up blank. There isn't anything definate about me that I could put my finger on and say - that - "that is what I am like. Or that is who I am. These are the things I enjoy." Because who ever I am with I allow to make all the decisions. Even if I don't particularily like their idea about an outting, or whether we should go for dinner. I'll do what ever the other person or "crowd" is doing.
Without speaking up about my wants or desires. If I do speak up I lose my self-confidence right away.
When I am visiting friends, or if someone comes to visit me, I feel like a whole person. When it is time to leave the parting leaves me feeling extremely empty inside. I need others around me to make up the personality of the moment. I take on their personas.
This is very difficult for me when two opposing personalities are with me at the same time. I am torn between the two and don't know anything anymore. Like if I had a friend from work over and a friend from somewhere else comes in I fear conflict between the two. Or if a family member comes over while I have other company, same thing.. loss of idenity. I also can't be a person at times like these. I am not sure what personality to show incase one of them thinks I'm nuts for acting a different way. This is very stressful, so I take precautions not to end up in uncomfortable situations. When it does happen I pull back and become withdrawn and allow the more dominant person to take over.
My self image was destroyed. My sense of self was still of as a child that never blossomed. I hated who I was (wasn't). To the point where I took down every mirror in the house. I hated myself. When I did look in a mirror I saw a stranger looking back.
4 yrs of 1 on 1 DBT has at least given me the capability of now being able to look in the mirror and not see a stranger, but me smiling back. I feel like a butterfly emerging from its cocoon.. I am beginning to find out I do have an indentity and it has given me great freedom from the oppressive cloud that hung over my head indicating I was not "real".
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