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Read what I have to say about mental illness and pot. Read the personal stories from fellow crackwalkers
Some of the major disorders discussed and explained.
BPD Criteria Explained
Criteria #1
Criteria #2
Criteria #3
Criteria #4
Criteria #5
Criteria #6
Criteria #7
Criteria #8
Criteria #9
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BPD Criteria 2 - The Criteria Explained a Little More Clearly
(2). a pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation.
The player will show in this paragraph
I have trouble with interpersonal relationships. If I happen to make a friend (and believe me that is very rare that I do) and for one reason or another, they are out of my life. No one ever stays long. Usually, because I decide it should be that way. I dump them. This isn't because I am a mean person. It is because I lose trust in them and don't think they are loyal any more. I fear they will or already are hurting me in some way. I become suspicsious they don't like me. I think they plot with other people and talk behind my back.
I kind of put them on a pedestal when I first know them, only seeing the characteristics I indentify with.. then as I know them better paranoia sets in and because I am fearful of nonacceptance. I begin to see them as different people and they fall off the pedestal and I back away. Sometimes its a nasty parting of the ways and other times I just disappear.
In relationships, I am very insecure. I desparately want to be liked and included in things. But when it came time to do these things I'd back out.. and eventually be left behind. Probably because of aviodant personality disorder. I couldn't explain my feelings. Anxiety of being marked out or thought of negativly made me fear social situations. So I over compensate and become the person I am with.. it annoys me, but I don't seem to have a personality.. not my own. I guess I must think that if I become that person I will be accepted as she/he is? Not sure. Vote is still out on that one.
I get upset when I feel someone is not on my side in a matter I think is important. This makes me feel I am not accepted. It makes me feel my feelings are not validated and what I think is really inconsequential. Its hard to remember coping skills about how to learn to agree to disagree sometimes I think that because they have a different point of view they are all off a sudden against me.
In relationships I want everyone to be loyal. I feel I am totaly loyal and devoted, but this loyality is like a driven thing. I must feel they accept me.. and sometimes that doesn't always work. They aren't as loyal as I thought they were. Nor did they need to be so. Its just the way I view relationships.
I get hurt in every relationship I lose. I turn the pain inside and beat myself up about the loss. This act of turning it inside is self-abuse. It never leaves you. The memory is still there as it was yesterday and the day before. I ruminate on it for years..
This makes me sad all the time thinking of my failures I turn it into me. I hate myself, I think I am the lowest of the low and that I don't really belong anywhere because nobody would have a defective piece of material like me. And I become more self-abusive. I drink to ease the pain. Some people cut, burn, mutilate.. I save the hurts inside. Sometimes I try to kill myself.
So my relationships are tumultuous to say the least and not long lasting. I have now become a hermit.. its safer and no one can hurt me anymore.
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