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Things to remember when feeling negative
Use Opposite Thinking
It is important to identify emotions. Sometimes the emotion is not in proportion to the event. It can be way too strong or it is getting in the way of what you are trying to do.
Therapy for depression has better results if there is something to trigger a positive response. An activator. Therapy for anxiety is more effective if there is positive exposure to the feared situation. Anger is best treated with identification of the early signs and leaving the situation until later.
Learning to do the opposite is not to be used to replace appropriate feelings to an event or situation.. but used rather to alleviate exaggerated feelings that are inappropriate during stressful periods.
Here you would act the opposite:
1) FEAR: Do what you are afraid of rather than avoid it. OVER and OVER and OVER.. APPROACH events, places, tasks, activites, and people you are afraid of. Do things to give yourself a sense of CONTROL and MASTERY. When overwhelmed, make a list of small steps or tasks you can do. DO THE FIRST THING on the list. Rememeber, baby steps.
2) GUILT OR SHAME When you have done something to warrent it, apologize. If not ---keep doing what you feel guilty or ashamed of - approach, don't avoid. REPAIR the trangression. Say you're sorry. APOLOGIZE. MAKE THINGS BETTER; do something nice for person you offended (or for someone else if that is not possible) COMMIT to avoiding that mistake in the future.ACCEPT the consequences gracefully. Then LET IT GO.
When Guilt or Shame is unjustified (Emotion does not fit your wise mind values) Do what makes you feel guilty or ashamed... OVER and OVER and OVER.. APPROACH don't avoid.
3) SADNESS OR DEPRESSION: Get ACTIVE. APPROACH, don't avoid. Do things that make you feel COMPETENT and SELF-CONFIDENT.
4) ANGER: Gently Avoid person you are angry with rather than attacking. (Avoid thinking about them rather than ruminating), do something nice rather than mean and attacking, imagine SYMPATHY or EMPATHY for the person you are angry with rather than blame.
OPPOSITE TO ANGER
Intense anger get can in your way. Here is a list that relate to things you do when you get angry. Check all that apply.
1). Drive fast or agressively
2). Glare at people.
3). Be agressive toward other people
4). Displace my angry feelings on the wrong people.
5). Say things I'll regret
6). Find people avoiding me.
7). Feel isolated
8). Push, shove, or punch somebody.
9). Have an upset stomach or lose my appetite
10). Feel stressed or wired.
11). Lose sleep.
12). Relapse with addiction
13). Throw or break things.
14). Say something impulsive
15). Interfer with learning or listening.
16). Interfer with job performance.
17). Dwell on wrongs or revenge fantasies.
18). Other __________________________________________.
To change your anger take these four steps.
1). Practice mindfulness to anger (observe and describe)
- I notice that a wave of anger is washing over me
- I notice that my teeth are tightly clenched
- I observe tension in my upper shoulders
- I notice the urge to shout/push/scream/swear, throw, etc.
- I observe the thought, "I hate so-and-so!"
- I observe the thought, "Life/job/school is unfair!".
- other _______________________________________________________.
2). Change body language and posture.
- Take three deep centering breaths
- If your hands are balled into fists, loosen and open them.
- Change the aggressive stance to a friendly and inviting one.
- Put your hands in your pockets.
- other ________________________________________________
3). Change facial expression
- adopt a half smile (not a smirk)
- Take an expression that you thinks communicates serenity
- Make a face of compassion
- Use your face to communicate interest in others
- Use your face to communicate gentleness.
- other __________________________________________________
4). Engage in behaviours that are opposite to the anger you're feeling
- Tell someone how you care about them
- Tell someone "I love you"
- Stare at a tree.
- Go get a massage.
- Gently avoid the person you are angry with.
- Be extra careful to gently pick up and set down items.
- Slowly and mindfully drink a glass of cold water
- Hug someone.
- Pray for your enemies
- Think about how life might be hard for the person you are angry with.
- Pay a compliment to the person you are upset with.
- Say out loud to yourself, "I can handle this situtauion".
- If you are driving, be extra cautious, and drive more slowly than usual.
- Take five minutes to stretch muscles in your upper and lower body.
- Think about things that are inconsistent with anger, such as happy times, beautuful places, success.
- Listen to soothing music and love songs.
OPPOSITE TO FEAR
Intense fear can play havoc with your quality of life, productivity, relationships, personal development and many other things. Extreme cases of fear include panic attacks and phobias.
When I am feeling frightened I tend to:
1). Get an upset stomach
2). Miss parties, classes, work
3). Avoid travel
4). Avoid going outdoors
5). Not start or finish projects
6). Second-guessing myself
7). Feel paranoia or suspicions
8). Avoid new and interesting experiences
9). Avoid public performances
10). Lose my appetite
11). Lose sleep
12). Have clouded thoughts
13). Have racing thoughts (monkey mind)
14). Not get things done now because I'm worrying about the future
15). Not look for new work that interests me
16). Avoid going to school
17). other _______________________________________________.
To change your fear, take these four steps:
1). Practice mindfulness to fear (observe and describe)
- I notice fear has just fallen on me.
- I observe that my thoughts are numerous and busy
- I notice I feel butterflies in my stomach
- I observe that I'm avoiding a person or situation.
- I feel a strong urge to flee.
- I notice the thought, "I can't handle this situation" has entered my mind.
- I notice that I have thoughts that others will know how nervous I am.
- I notice that my body is shaking and tense.
- other ____________________________________________________.
2). Change body language and posture
- Stand upright
- Make appropriate eye contact with others
- Sit comfortably
- Look up at the sky for a while
- Keep your head up high
- Stand with confidence
- Walk with confidence
- Sit upright in your chair with hands gently folded
- Let your hands lie still on your desktop or table, not tapping them
- Sit still without tapping your feet
- other _________________________________________________________.
3). Change facial expression
- Try to adopt a "serious" facial expression.
- Try to imitate a face of confidence.
- Adopt a half smile
- Try to look at others with an expression of interest.
- Relax your brow, and cheek muscles
- Try and unclench your teeth
- other ____________________________________________________________.
4). Engage in behaviours that are opposite to the fear you're feeling
- Approach the person or thing you fear.
- If you fear going to school, go to school
- If you fear traveling, take opportunitites to go on short trips to nearby towns or sites.
- If you fear asking someone out, do so. If you're turned down, ask the next person out, then the next.
- Attend parties you're invited to. Once you're there, greet people, introduce yourself, get into it.
- If you're anxious about looking for a new job, schedule several appointments, even at job sites you don't necessarily want to work at.
- Throw your whole self into your practice, get into it.
- other ___________________________________________________________.
OPPOSITE TO SADNESS OR GRIEF
Making your self live in misery when you don't have to comes from dwelling on sadness and grief.
When I'm feeling very sad I tend to:
1). Feel depressed and apathetic
2). Lose time dwelling on the thing or person I lost.
3). Find my relationships suffer because I'm dwelling on my loss.
4). Lose my appetite
5). Sleep too much or not enough.
6). Think I'll never love again.
7). Resent those who seem happy.
8). Contemplate suicide
9). Have a lowered immunity to sickness
10). Reject other's attempts to get to know me.
11). Am forgetful
12). Feel bitter
13). Act mean toward other people.
14). other ___________________________________________________.
To change your sadness, take these four steps:
1). Practice mindfulness to sadness
- I observe a veil of sadness falling over me
- I notice my energy draining
- I observe grief rising inside me
- I feel tears welling up in my eyes.
- I feel an ache in the pit of my stomach
- I can't think of good things
- other _________________________________________________.
2). Change body language and posture
- Lift head up
- Sit up straight
- Walk upright, shoulders back head high
- If lying down, get up
- uncross arms
- other ___________________________________________________.
3). Change your facial expression
- Try half a smile
- Exercise your face muscles with wide grins
- Raise your eyebrows
- other ________________________________________________________.
4). Engage in behaviours that are opposite to the sadness you're feeling
- Watch a comedy routine on TV.
- Read jokes in paper.
- Go for a walk to cahnge your point of mind.
- other __________________________________________________________.
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